We are the guys that, when you say to us ‘Do you wanna see the baby pictures?’ we turn our nose up like you just offered us a llama spit and sardine shite sandwich, and say, ‘well… does it look like EVERY OTHER fucking baby ever? Does it look like a dwarf Winston Churchill? You know. ..I’m good actually. You go ahead and keep those bad boys in your purse’.
And then we don’t understand why the fuck you are pissed with us.
We are the guys that, when you invite everybody to a fancy dress party at yours, turn up as ‘the disgruntled boyfriend who really doesn’t wanna be there but realises that he won’t get laid for a goddamn week if he doesn’t pretend to be fascinated by your stories of your shitty work colleagues doing mundane things at a place of work that literally could not interest us any less if it was Soil Monitoring or Brick Evaluating, so we sit in the corner scowling, scaring all your prissy little aquaintances and drink some other guys beer. Not because we were thirsty. Just to wind the prick up.’
We’re those guys.
And I guess, in a way, we’re back by popular demand. Apparently, our specific kind of venom is quite well searched for on the web, and our readership has been growing year on year. This, despite the fact that I have been too fucking lazy to post a goddamn thing since 2010 and only posted three goddamn things the last time around. You guys just seemingly love to hate.
And there has been so much new shit to despise since we last posted. I mean, since 2010, there has been devastating hurricanes, a flurry of famous, familiar and trusted faces that abused their fame in order to sexually abuse children, death in the thousands due to famine, disease and poverty, and Conor Maynard.
The irony seems to be from the good chunk of mail that I have received from readers, the more we talk about how shit every goddamn thing is, and how much even basic things like involuntary human emotion grinds our gears, the more it seems to cheer you fuckers up. And if that’s the case, so be it. BUT… just know that every time you laugh, it just makes the bitter asshole that consumes the vast majority of me despise all of you that much more for finding mirth in my annoyance. You dicks.
So join us, this company of cunts, this posse of pricks, this band of bastards, as we once again regale you with ultra-cynical profanity-laden
We fucking hate everything, and we’re back to tell you why.
Let the bitterness recommence!
- Kevin Sanders