The New MSN

By O-Jay

MSN has been around since the dawn of time so you'd hope by now they'd have this shit sussed, but it seems the recent economic climate is really pushing Microsoft’s renownedly slim budget, forcing them to recruit program developers from nurseries and mental care homes for lobotomy patients. Take for example their most recent effort which appears to have been designed with crayons and glitter glue, and honestly couldn’t take more steps backwards if it was fucking moon-walking. You can tell the creative juices must have been flowing like the Mississippi river the day the geniuses at Microsoft thought that flipping the display picture to the opposite side was such a revolutionary idea that they actually went ahead and did it. Can you imagine how that discussion went?

"Uhh we haven't updated MSN in a while, what you wanna do about that?"
"Woof woof woof!"
"What was that Lassy? We should flip the display picture to the other side and release it as a new version to make our users feel we are still contributing something to our instant messenger and not investing all our resources into facebook?"
"Woof!"

Yes, I'm implying that the incompetent nursery kids and lobotomy patients employed as programme developers couldn't fathom their own innovations between them and instead have resorted to taking advice from Lassie the dog.

Oh and to top it off there’s that marvellous get out clause they plaster so proudly before you download the programme... "We listened to you and gave you what you want", like I personally fucking knocked on the pearly gates of Microsoft and asked for the display picture to be put on the other side. "We listened to you and gave you what you want" spelt backwards actually translates to "If any of our ideas that we stole from Messenger Plus blow, it’s not our fault because we will pawn them off as suggestions from YOU" (I lied about the spelt backwards thing). So let’s be honest, you didn't listen to any of us you lying cunts, you listened to Lassie the fucking dog.

Then, following on from the monumental achievement that was flipping the display picture round, it appears Microsoft decided to take the piss once more and hide... yes, HIDE, the fucking tool bar. I mean, I’m all for the minimalistic approach, but they may as well have hid the contact list or the fucking "log in" button while they were on their escapade of hiding crap that is fundamentally paramount to successfully using the fucking program. They have basically taken the whole programmers concept of “Easter Eggs” and shoved it right up Easter Bunny’s fucking arse. I wouldn’t be surprised if Indiana Jones now had trouble solving the puzzle of finding out where the cunts at Microsoft have put the options menu.

Now on a "lets wrap things up" kinda note, I admittedly use MSN a LOT, as I would much rather talk some mindless dribble and pretend I care about how someone’s horrifically predictable day was than do anything remotely productive or creative. For this reason, I am giving the Microsoft developers a pass, as they must have been on MSN so long that it has literally inhibited all inspirational urges to the extent their brains are now nothing more than lumps of coal. Sadly however, Lassie needs to be put down.