White Lies & Boundaries

By Miss X

 

I am sure your all instantly saying “white lies aren’t all that bad - especially if you don’t want to hurt some ones feelings.”

Problem is lies always have a habit of coming full circle no matter what colour they be, and then they grow teeth and bite you in the ass leaving a full and varied pattern of indentation and undoubtedly make it painful to place your derriere on anything.

Having said that I don’t know a single person on this planet who can honestly say they have never told a lie, that’s human nature… to avoid, cover or deceive - and all part of the beauty of the survival program of life.

But why do people call them white lies? Easy answer white is meant to be the colour of “good intention” like black is - BAD, EVIL & INSIDIOUS DAMNIT!!!!!

So, now that we have established the difference in the polarity effect of colour and its application to speaking the truth lets all just settle down around our campfire singing Kum bah yah and discussing reality…

Lies are lies for gods sake! Lies come about as a result of evasion, the lovely aspect of avoiding facing the truth, because somewhere along the line an aspect of the truth makes us feel all icky inside - you know the one where your tummy does turns, you start to feel hot and bothered and you start speaking a load of crap out loud to yourself when alone, because hopefully just hopefully you don’t have to listen to the quiet little voice inside you telling you your wrong.

Perception

But then again what constitutes a lie? Are their actual definitions and perimeters to consider? Is it not down to individual perception?

Not really, we live in a society that is “supposed” to uphold moral codes of living and before you start no I don’t subscribe to any religion, I cannot stand order and control. But its an example nonetheless that the idea of moral law is there to set boundaries to try and diminish conflicts and pain to others.

Its simple, lies are a way of avoiding feeling bad about something you shouldn’t have said or done in the first place.

 

 

 

Conformity

That said, why do we have a hang up about lying I the first place? We are fully aware of the moral implications yes, and these have been drummed into most of us from a very early age due to this attitude that you should always conform.

So does that then make non conformists liars?

Is it really about conformity? Why does guilt exist when we have the freedom in the first place to remove the confines placed upon us and say what we want to, do what we want to etc, moral obligation seemingly restricts us especially in relationships.

There is a lot of onus placed on fidelity, respect and trust… and yet it seems that monogamy and honesty don’t really seem to have a part to play in today’s modern age where the way forward is to do what you want and screw the outcome.

Lets face it why not do it first before they do? Least you don’t have to sit there looking like an ass afterwards because they beat you to it in the first place.
So what is a permissable lie as opposed to a naughty lie?

Well the easiest answers I guess could boil own to the “does my bum look big in this?” routine to the “I went out with the boys/girls last night.” - when actually the truth is I was copping off with your best friend behind your back.

Take example one, we shall call this the “bum deal” - your friend asks you that fatal question, you know that actually her arse does indeed look like two hippos wrestling under a gazebo, do you tell her?

Of course you bloody tell her! That is unless your worried she’s going to outshine you if she wears the other outfit she had planned which makes her look sexy as hell…
The reality is your doing her a favour in the long run, your preventing her from going out and looking like a complete arsehole.

Ok you don’t have to tell her in depth EXACTLY how bad it looks on her, but where is the harm in saying, “To be honest it does you no favours you looked vastly better in the last dress.” JOB DONE!!!

 

 

 

Friends

Everyone works on the basis supposedly of being truthful with their friends, so where is the line crossed with a friend regarding the truth, well I suppose it depends on the friend, at least thats one way of looking at it.
But what constitutes the degree of honesty there should be in any friendship?
Gender can play a large part in how we react to our friends, girl - girl friendships can vary from being highly open to filled with over embellished truths “Oh wow your hair looks awesome” - meaning dear lord she looks like she walked out of one of the vamp horror movies with a haircut resembling that of Elvira mistress of the dark…
To the less than delicate low down of all there is to know on the sexual performance skills of the latest boyfriend.
Male - Female friendships tend to work on a different basis, I for one prefer male company cos it tends to be more direct. Having said that its not always straight forward as we think. Sexual chemistry always tends to get in the way at some point in all mixed gender relationships, even gay guys are known to have fleetingly thought about their female counter parts especially when they are getting on well with each other. But does acknowledging that make people more honest in regards to their thoughts, opinions or feelings?

OF COURSE NOT!

Prime example given here:- Guy and girl best of friends, not looking in anything happening between them, the guy starts to have feelings for the girl which he tries to suppress, the girl loves having the guy friend as he is in effect “safe” and therefore she feels ok thinking to herself that she wants guy like that without ever crossing the boundary line.
The guy on the other hand wrestling with himself and his emotions chooses instead to project his feelings on to her so that it gives him the ability to open up and speak his mind about the situation without having to actually address they are his feelings and not hers- situation embroils then after his own self lie he challenges her with his own feelings by saying…

“I think your falling for me and to be honest I think we need space as a result”

When what he really means is - Oh fuck I think I kind of like you more than I thought and god yeah I would shag you in a second but I don’t want to look a fool or worse I may have to actually change how I view you….

So instead he disappears out of your life without an explanation - not good.

So just like the movie When Harry met Sally - can men and women ever be friends? Sure they can, but like harry says the sex part always gets in the way, but does it for women?
Well lets face it women and men are breeds apart and each is individual, but that little old gene pool does seem to make an interesting example of controlled reactions to certain situations nonetheless.

In the words of Lloyd grossman - “David its over to you….”

 

 

Technology & Access

So what about technology I hear you say? Well lets face it, in this modern day and age technology is a huge part of our lives, it gives us open access and contact with people and situations all over the world.

We live in an “Electric age” - and that technology is starting to give massive availability to men and women alike to recreate themselves in cyber Ville.

Chat programs like msn and skype are enabling the leeway to open the doors to cheat on partners, groom children and so forth.

You might be able to put it down to naivety, but the net has opened a million doors to those predisposition to lying.

It is in effect a liars haven, you can create yourself in the way you would most want to be seen, viewed, believed to be, etc
Chat sites are starting to become a popular replacement for porn, because someone can jump on msn, webcam etc and start working their fantasy into exactly what their after while their partner and possibly in some cases kids, are tucked up in bed fast asleep.

They can chat to their “cyber friends” and get their kicks feel all special then piss off to bed after a great deal of carefully planned masturbation material ensues.
The trouble is it always end sup being found out, one way or the other.

So why do it? Quick fixes are the way forward, might seem fun at the time. But in reality it never works out…

To conclude…

“The grass may always seem greener on the other side of the fence but maybe that because your looking with innebriated eyes?”