Mobility Scooters.
By Peebz and Andy
My friend Andy and I have found a common annoyance amongst ourselves.
We have many common annoyances, but this one in particularly gets our goat.
It annoys us that much that I decided it was good enough for us to do a conjoined rant on it for this website.
Allow us to delight you now with our conversation on: Mobility Scooters.
Round One: ‘Mobility’ Scooters
Peebz: Mobility scooters, so called because they help people, normally with bad hips, to become more ‘mobile’.
They’re an AID, they’re not there to actually replace the need for fucking WALKING!
Andy: They're there for the whole A to B problem, which is fair enough - but you can still use your fucking legs - when you reach B, park up and enjoy B!
These poor old bastards have it so drilled into their heads that they need these things, that when they start using them - they rely upon them 100%, instead of using them as an aid as you quite rightly pointed out
My Gran is 92 and has a dodgy knee - she lives up a flight of stairs alone and she only takes her walking stick out when it's wet - you've got people in their 60's running around on these things like they own the fucking pavement.
THEY ARE NOT GLORIFIED ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIRS!
If your hips are capable of moving your legs in a steady back and forward motion that will support your weight - then don't ram into fucking Somerfield in one of these like some kind of manic, crazy old ram raider
Peebz: Fucking true story! The majority of the people who use these things are in effect just idle cunts.
Andy: Well yes, we’ve only touched on the older users, now let us considers the obese ones
Round Two: Fat People on Mobility Scooters
Peebz: Ah yes, fat people on mobility scooters. As much as I hate the fucking things, at least old people have some kind of right to use mobility scooters. Fat fuckers, in my opinion do NOT.
Andy: say what you like about the old dears but they survived wars and rationing to earn the right to break our legs on the pavement in these things. Nothing angers me more, than to see some grotesquely overweight bastard who thinks chips counts as one of his five a day strutting about on one of these things.
Seriously, the rest of us managed to keep our weight small enough for our legs to handle - once again it's just another case of the easy way out, well I have news for our chunky friends - That's what made you a fat bastard in the first place. Taking the easy way out.
"exercise and healthy eating, nah too hard, I'll go to McDonalds every day, let some spotty teenager cook me my dinner until I can no longer walk to McDonalds - then I shall simply drive there and have the cheek to claim incapacity benefits"
I could easily go on a tangent about fat people in general so I'll shoosh because it's about the scooters and the gross mis-use!
Peebz: Lmao, it’s fucking true though. The other day I was walking, yes WALKING to work, and as I approached the crossing these two fat fucks on mobility scooters come heading towards me.
This annoyed me for two reason:
1) You’re sitting on a motor, STAY ON THE FUCKING ROAD! If I was on a motor, I’d need a license and have to pay fucking road tax so why don’t you!? CUNTS!
2) The other reason they annoyed me is purely because they were fucking OBESE! There I was walking down the street, and they’re tutting and rolling their eyes because they can’t get around me at the same time as each other. Why don’t you get up and fucking WALK! It’s not like you are disable, the only difficulty you have with walking is that your legs are too fat and chafe together.
Maybe if you did more exercise, like walking for example, you wouldn’t have that problem!
Andy: I normally am not a fan of Americanisation of certain terms but yeah, they call it a WALKway and, for once, the yanks got something right when they did that.
Walk: the act of traveling by foot; "walking is a healthy form of exercise" ... Etc
Peebz: Yeah which brings me onto the subject - mobility scooters in shops.
Round Three - Mobility Scooters in Shops
Peebz: This pisses me off no end. I work in a shop, it’s irritating enough as it is, having too much work to do and snotty customers who think they’re too good to be in a shop that sells £3.50 t-shirts but come in anyway.
And then you get some cunt come in on a mobility scooter complaining that the aisles aren’t wide enough for them to get down.
Andy: In my old shop right, there was this geezer who used to always come in on his. He only has one and a half legs, steaming used to crash into everything and everyone. Tonight, no joke, I was going to shops I seen him driving a car.
HOW THE FUCK DO THEY LET HIM BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR!?
Peebz: Lmao, seriously?
Andy: Yeah, seriously, he got banned after I left though for pissing on the floor
Peebz: Lol gutted. Anyway. Back to the subject at hand, although I’m sure everyone would love to know more about how some guy just pissed all over your shop floor.
I think mobility scooters in shops should be banned.
Get this - I was at work on Friday and some idle cunt came in on one and started moaning because “the walk-ways aren’t wide enough for me to get down.”
Erm.. What did you just call it? A WALK-way? That you WALK down?!
Fucking hell, we create the aisles in the shop so that it accommodates for people using their legs to get around and look at the clothes.
Not some idle bint on a mobility scooter who in the process of looking round, knocks all the fucking clothes on the floor!
We make the till area large enough so that a queue can form and people can get to one of the 3 tills when they become available. These fucktards on mobility scooters come down, end up holding up the queue because they can’t park up next to the till, so WE have to lean over to grab their items from the basket on the front, and then when they’re done, they have to fucking REVERSE OUT!
They should be banned!
We don’t let motorbikes or cars in our shops, we sure as hell shouldn’t let fucking mobility scooters!
I can handle wheelchairs, at least whoever is sat in one of those is crippled in some way - mobility scooters are just for idle twats who no longer want to use their legs. At all.
I saw one woman park her scooter outside my shop, get out and WALK into the shop.
I wanted to run over and shake her hand, they should all do that.
That is all.
