"Celebrities"
By Sean Johnston
I mentioned in my Biog that I'd do a rant on Celebrities, and would I lie to you? (Yes. Yes I would.) I just feel generous, so I'll actually uphold something I've committed to, rather than pretending I didn't say it.
You know celebrities, people who, theoretically, are famous for being amazing in films and/or music, that sort of thing. Lately, though, it's becoming easier and easier to become famous. All you need to do is go on a reality TV show and make a complete dick of yourself, get your leg over a footballer, or... well, that's about it, really. We now have a world full of people who are famous for being famous, rather than being based on their individual merits.
Jade Goody is a prime example. Until recently, I thought she was the one who went on Big Brother and ended up doing indecent things with a beer bottle on national TV. No, that wasn't her, Jade Goody is even LESS interesting. All she did to get famous was basically be a loud, racist, annoying cunt, and people expect me to feel SORRY for her having Cancer? Hundreds of people have cancer, and I sympathize to an extent, but they don't get national televised programs documenting how they deal with it, and neither should she, because she's NEVER DONE ANYTHING WORTH MENTIONING.
She was called back in for Celebrity Big Brother, we've just gone full circle now. She's only famous for being on Big Brother in the first fucking place.
Paris Hilton is another one. She doesn't fucking DO anything. She's just a slightly odd-looking stupid blonde who goes to a lot of parties and has sex with people on camera in seedy hotels. I drives me insane how these people actually manage to get their 15 minutes (or longer, in the case of Ms. Hilton) of fame. Rebecca Loos, too. She says “Hey, I fucked Beckham!”, we ask “Really? Got any proof?”, then comes the response. “No.” Well, that's alright then, we'll print a million newspaper articles and pay you ludicrous sums of money that dwarfs the salary Paramedics earn, for telling us a story about HAVING SEX. Oh no, she did a perfectly normal human thing, with someone of the opposite gender. Fucking christ, get over yourselves.
I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here just furthers this mentality of being famous because you're famous. None of the people on there even matter in the public eye (see: Peter Andre, Katie Price/Jordan, fugly ass bitch.) In fact, they're all of such low standing in the celebrity world that I don't even remember most of the people who have been on there, despite the fact that people just can't shut he fuck up about it. Peter Andre restarted his music career after IACGMOOH. Why? I ask, Why? If your music career failed and you faded into obscurity ten years ago, what makes you think you have a HOPE of releasing the SAME GODDAMN SONG today and making a success of it? Fuck you and your waxed chest.
I wonder how much further it would go if Comic Relief stopped spending cuntloads of money on huge TV shows, comedians, etc. and the celebrities involved just donated some of their own money. Look you fuckers, due to being unemployed I survive on about £45 a week, I'm sure you can afford to give up a few million of your own cash you selfish bastards. Not that I'd give away my money in the same situation, but at least I'm not up on TV asking people to do it whilst simultaneously stockpiling my million-per-month salary in a bank account somewhere.
I can understand wanting fame. You get loads of money for doing fuck all, the world loves you, you get professionals making you look spectacular most of the time, but at least have the decency to earn it instead of losing your dignity in exchange.
Other things that have annoyed me since my last rant:
- Shit plot twists, in the Dexter series of books (a crime drama based around a serial killer who only attacks murderers and also work for the police as a Forensics expert), the first two books proceed much as you'd imagine from a crime drama. The third book shits it all up by saying that his urge to kill is no longer due to the fact that his mother was cut up, alive, with a chainsaw in front of him at the age of 3, and is actually caused by him being posessed by the spirit of a dark biblical god, Moloch. No. Fuck you and everything you stand for you piece of shit. Do not spring this kind of fucktardery on me during book 3 of an otherwise enjoyable series.
- Charging for shit that should come free. Recently, me and my brother have set up an Xbox 360, now, we can't set up Xbox Live on it yet, because the router is in my room, and the Xbox is downstairs. The Xbox doesn't come with basic wireless functionality unlike every other console of the current generation which is out today, all of them. The Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii, Playstation 3, and the Playstation Portable. Not only that, but for the privelage of using Wireless on a 360, you have to pay £59.99 for a Wireless Network Adapter. Eat a dick, Microsoft. Eat a colossal dick.
