Now, I hate to agree with what Sean says. Not only does it inflate the size of his ego ten-fold, it means we’re still discussing the same thing over and over again which isn’t what I wanted to do. But fuck it, this needs covering. If you’ve missed Sean’s rant on Twilight (which I thoroughly suggest you go and read but I’m not going to link you to until the end of this page, because fuck it you will finish reading this first) then let me give you a quick insight into what his beef is:
“When I say to someone 'I hate fans', I don't mean to refer to people who like something, that's not what this is about at all, instead I refer to the people who wear t-shirts relating to X every single day; refuse to accept differing opinions on any part of the film, game, console, book, comic, toy franchise, whatever; will crucify anyone who says a bad word about said thing and is usually a girl who smells slightly of piss and sits at home most days writing terrible slash fanfiction about varying pairs of male characters in whatever her obsession happens to be.”
The sad truth is, he’s right. At least in part. The problem is, these girls – yes, the majority of them are female – aren’t just limited to their homes anymore. Because everything they produce ends up on the internet.
It would be okay if it stayed on Live Journal, locked away under filtered posts so only members of their secret Edward-touching community could see it. They might delude themselves by saying they do that to protect the intellectual copyright of their latest wankpiece, but that would be a lie; firstly, there’s no intelligence here, but more importantly the majority of them know that the world does not give a fuck.
The problem is when it leaks out, and there’s no worse example of this than You Tube. You tube means that you don’t even need to be able to have the brain capacity to type a sentence anymore; as long as you can point your fucking ugly face in front of a webcam and squeal for sixteen minutes, you’re set.
Case in point? Nuttymadam3575.
The horrible thing is, I’ve forgotten how I ever came across this monstrosity. I can’t remember my life before she popped up on a YouTube channel. And I have wasted hours – days, maybe – watching her fat ugly face flail across an internet connection, telling me how wet she’s getting over a fucking apple in a film trailer.
This girl has over 2,000 subscribers on YouTube. That scares the fuck outta me. What scares me even more is that one of them is me. I can’t help it. It’s not because I share interests with her or even give a fuck about what she has to say. Truth is, she is my outlet for schadenfreude, my shameful joy. I like mocking her. I like laughing at her pathetic face, and I find it hysterical when other people do it too.
Most people are a bit harsher than I am. A good few are better at it than me. My personal favourite has to go to Saintcheese for this effort:
But Nuttymadam3575 is only an example of how the world has dissolved into utter, utter shit. I mentioned it already, but peek across at Live Journal to find some of the most abysmal examples of fangirling known to man. Pick a band and search with it in conjunction with slash and you’ll be exposed to a disgustingly large amount of badly written homosexual porn written by straight, 25 year old virgin girls who have never seen a dick in their life, let alone witnessed two in the same room.
The world is falling apart. The solution? Put an IQ limit on purchasing a web-cam and an internet connection; before you log on, you have to be able to solve a Sudoku puzzle and a Times crossword. Keep the internet free of retards.
It’s as simple as that.
- You can go back and find Sean’s original review here.
- Find yourself enjoying girls who hate girlish things? Peebz is bitching about Heat magazine.
- Snish is in need of cash. If you’d like to pay her to read this down the phone to you in a husky voice, please email her for a quote.
